I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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