Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We left an ass print on the piano.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
