How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize