i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
