so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Of course I have a pirate flag
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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