I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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