Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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