No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
