someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
