for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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