i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
