just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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