Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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