; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
