just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He better not be in your backpack
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
