I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize