it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
