Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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