how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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