He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
