Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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