I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
