I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
