i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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