Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
