I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
