Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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