hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
