Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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