How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
