we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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