saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
