When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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