me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
