I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
