I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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