So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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