God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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