Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
