she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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