So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
