I think my fart just growled at me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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