She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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