youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
