he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
