Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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