Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
