Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
