my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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