i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
