..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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