She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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