some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
