Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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