somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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