i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
