if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
