Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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