My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize