Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
