HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
