Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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