I can text with my tongue
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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