Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize