he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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