I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
