so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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