Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
