i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
