Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
