ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
