If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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