Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
