you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
