He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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