Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
