"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
