I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
