pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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