I think I died a long time ago.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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