My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
