I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
