i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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