after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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