I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
