did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
