he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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