I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i can't believe i had my finger in that
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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