they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
