i think my mom watched the whole time
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
