I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
