The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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