Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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