Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(574): View more from Indiana

So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree

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(808): View more from Hawaii

you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.

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(845): View more from New York

I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore

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(406): View more from Montana

Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.

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(602): View more from Arizona

he bit THROUGH my nipple

(480): View more from Arizona

plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.

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