It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
