i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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