I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
