There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
