Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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