i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Someone signed my nipple.
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